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dni
_{• hamilton fans
• swiss gingers
• found yoru to umi through tiktok
• people who play anime porn games with the intention of jacking off
• people with a screentime of more than 10 hours a day
• harry styles fans
• people who hate mainstream music and exclusively listen to videogame soundtracks
• people who misinterpret mitski
• people who don't like mitski
• people who found mitski through tiktok
• people who only like mitskis latest two albums
• people who add doodoo ass basic mainstream tiktok music to ship/character playlists on spotify even though it doesnt fit the characters at all (even worse if the characterss have actual depth)
• mac users
• linux users
• win11 users
• people who grew up with nintendo
• people with married parents
• people who say theyve escaped the matrix but buy into influencer scams
• yuri haters
• skinless bodies antis
• kpop antis that refuse to listen to loona (FUCK YOU)(If youre going to listen to loona make sure its pirated #BOYCOTTBBC)
• french people
• people who think genshin is good
• germans
• people who respond to 10+ year old tweets just to say "YIKES...."
• ashley richards
• orange juice haters
• russians
• americans that comment "NAH THIS FOOD IS FROM OHIO" when they see any meal that doesnt consist of mac and cheese with cancer-causing dyes and microplastics
• art hoes that like pretentious foreign movies
• furry emos (seperately is okay)
• simfluencers that add 500 platforms to their fucking builds
• annoying gay men
• defend 17yros who erp with 14yros on discord (u know who u are 💀)
• defend people who defend the above (u also know who u are 💀)
• cat haters
• use discord to e-date
• ever thought "strawberry cow" was funny
• serbians
• facebook reels users
• think igor is about a woman
• pay money for sims 4 dlc
• think the sapphic flag is ugly
• people whove laughed at anything that vivziepop has put out
• man bun havers
• rich vegan californians/new yorkians
• pay a subscription to any social media site
• pay for streaming services
• believes in "boycott fatigue"
• listens to tiktok "hyperpop"/speedpop
• felanie rapetinez defender
• valley girl accent haters
• fake toxic yuri likers
• fail to understand complex relationships in media
• taylor swift stans
• insect haters and talks about it every second
• same with reptile haters
• have a kitchen island and/or a wine fridge
• main social media is tiktok or twitter
• relationship timer on carrd
• think scott pilgrim is "just like me fr"
• think YOU season 4 was good}

i probably will never show you this, but i may tell you some.its eating me alive the fact that i want you so badly. the verb want feels so utterly vulgar and primal but i have no other way to describe how deeply i desire you, what you are and what you arent.
i ache for your stares, i ache for your words, i ache for your touch, your conversation, your actions, your company, i ache for times where i can listen to you talk about what you like and what you dont, i ache for times where we insult and hit each other jokingly, i ache for times where i can see you in a way that others cannot, i ache for times where you show parts of yourself in a way where nobody but me would be able to notice. i ache for times where i can savour the way you present your affection.it feels shameful to want you like a lover. it corrupts what i am and what we share. everything i do is a display and everything you do i find beauty in - it feels immoral to think that you might be doing something similar. but if you have, this thinking betrayed me so greatly that the regret shows up in my dreams. ive woken up in cold sweats from dreams that felt like the universe reflected thoughts from you to me, where you show me that you want me in ways that i would show you. ive had dreams where you laid in my lap, on my chest, where ive stroked your hair while you slept, where you stayed silent when someone said that you wanted me. every time i dream of you im eating salad for some reason. i've had dreams that include you as a manifestation of my subconcious - dreams where you misgender me or where you ignore me or where you act like the worst parts of me. even in the dreams where you're not there there's someone like you, either briefly in looks or in personality or like someone broke you into pieces and rebuilt you.in everybody i've ever been infatuated with i've seen pieces that resemble you, and i've just now come to accept that it's these pieces that i've been seeking out in other people. its a fact that you've been burned into my existence. you, as a concept, are a foundation for parts of my identity. i don't know if this is healthy or unhealthy, it just is. i've spent multiple nights thinking of what i would do with myself if you die before me, and i've concluded that i would simply kill myself. however, i feel as though losing you while you still live would leave a larger hole than you dying. i don't know how i would possibly be able to cope with that, knowing that you are still experiencing without me being a witness to it. i think this is part of why i'm scared of the potential of being in a relationship with you, because i know eventually it will end and we will never be the same again. even when it starts, we will never be the same again. i think im just scared of us changing, even though we both independently have changed in various ways, it feels like we've stayed the same for all these years. although i know that to not be true.it's shameful how many things i wish to do for you, like writing letters on delicate paper with your favourite flowers pressed into them or make cassette mixtapes with playlists about you. i dont know how to do either of those things but i'd be willing to learn, i've already done this before with needlefelting for you. it makes me feel, for lack of a better word, cringe to think about expressing any form of affection but especially in the form of anything that can be physically kept because it can exist beyond us knowing each other. this is something that i need to work through but i don't think its possible without actual practice.i think i'm scared of projecting onto you like i've been doing all this time and it becoming unbareable to you once it reveals itself. it's easier to hide and ignore now because of the nature of our friendship, but i've been guiltily wishing i could mould you into something that you will never be for me to feel safe enough to be yours. i've been imagining words that you'd never say in your life and things that you would never do for me just because it brings me comfort. it doesn't even make any sense.i've been holding jealousy that i'm not allowed to have. and i feel as though this will always exist no matter how hard i try to banish it. i just feel sick thinking about it even though i've made very many assumptions and don't know much at all -- it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the man you were with, i don't know why. i think it's just because i have a gut feeling he hurt you in some utterly fucked up and inconcievable way that i just get incredibly angry even though the most evidence i have are just suggestions from things that you weren't meaning to say. and i know this jealously slipped through very briefly, even when i was in a relationship with somebody else, which at that point i knew virtually nothing, other than the fact you held some semblance of affection for him. which is selfish of me. its incredibly selfish of me. its selfish of me that im jealous of an undeserving man getting to experience you in a way that i was never able to and might never be able to.i have this deep-seated desire to see every face of you and solve you - like a rubix cube of sorts. i just want to know every single thing about you and see all the parts of you that you keep hidden for good reason, but i know this wish will never come to fruition. no person wants to be laid completely bare before somebody else no matter how much they say they do. it's the kind of vulnerability where if anybody but yourself had the chance to interpret in their own way it would bring immeasurable shame. so i'm content with you allowing me to see the parts of you that i've witnessed so far, because that speaks more about those hidden parts than any explaination you could ever give me for them.